I admire my son March 12, 2009

For some time now, I’ve noticed a difference between Brendan and I. I keep noticing that anytime he is eating, he inevitably always eats the thing he most likes first. Chicken, mac ‘n cheese, broccoli….yeap, it’s the mac ‘n cheese. Kids meal from Panda’s: Orange chicken and mixed veggies…..that’s right, it’s the orange chicken…..I’m sure it would be the chocolate chip cookie, but we do set limits.  Now me, on the other hand, I’ve always mixed and matched…a little bit of this and then a little bit of that….BUT, I ALWAYS save my fav for the very last bite. Now, this issue has confused me for the past few weeks….and then I got it: Brendan is a Carpe diem(seize the day)-type of person, I’m a Save-the-best-for last-type of person. Which is best? Who knows, but I must say: I admire him. He makes certain that what he most enjoys is accomplished. He enjoys the moment to its fullest. As I thought about it, this is not only with his food….it’s with life in general. He’s just that type of person. I love that! It’s a bit cliche’ but none of us are promised tomorrow…meaning there is no guarantee with my save-the-best-for-last approach. I might get what I love in….or I might not. Brendan is going to make certain he does. I admire my almost-8 year-old for that. Maybe, I should follow his lead a bit more. 

Which one are you?

It’s all in what we learn…..right? January 23, 2009

Over the past few months we, Larry and I, have really tried to help Brendan learn that mistakes are okay….they’re not the end of the world….we handle them….and, actually, learn from them. He’s had a hard time with this. He’s  a great kid, great grades, cleans his room, loves God, etc. but he hates to make mistakes, he hates to get things wrong….to the point that a few times when he has been told to re-do something or required redirection at school….he has melted down. 

Larry and I really love the concept of Parenting with Love and Logic….that you let you’re kids fail and learn the lessons while the price tags are small so they will have the coping resources and wisdom to draw from to make positive choices when they are older. It’s not that you want them to ever fail….but you truly view it as a learning experience for them. Larry and I frequently say that God is much like a Love and Logic parent….at least with us. 

However, with Brendan being such a great kid….he hasn’t had many opportunities to gain the skills needed to handle disappointment, redirection, etc. He seems to internalize  things when he feels he let himself or someone else down.

That being said….God allowed me to have a teaching moment with him this week through my experience. 

Monday: Larry left for Aurora, early. So, I get up, get the kids around successfully, get them loaded in my car…tried to turn the car on and noticed the key was not budging and the steering column was locked. Fortunately, Larry had left his car here….so I unload and reloaded the boys…realizing I didn’t have time to figure things out at that moment. However, once we got home from our day and I got the boys in bed, I tried again. I put in the key and kind of jiggled the steering wheel back and forth…b/c in the past that worked….no luck. 

Tuesday…just went with Larry’s car to start off….as I knew mine was still having issues. After work and after picking Brendan up from school, I gave it another try…still nothing, but I grabbed the handy-dandy Nissan booklet and read the portion on how to unlock your steering column. I put the boys in bed and carefully followed the directions in the manuel: “Gently turn the key and slightly move the wheel to the right and left” It didn’t work. So, I re-vamped the technique a bit to something more like: “Forcefully attempt to turn the key and yank the steering wheel back and forth…sigh a few times” Didn’t work. I posted on facebook and myspace about the issue and had a few people give their pointers….tried them and, even still, nothing. 

Wednesday…once again, started with Larry’s car. However, I got home a little early and decided to give it another go. I can be pretty relentless. Put the key in, went back to the gentle and slight approach, and IT WORKED, perfectly. I backed my car up to make sure the steering wheel didn’t get placed in the locked position, again. After all, I’m not a stupid person. Celebrated. It was then time to pick Bray up from daycare. Brendan and I got in the car….and although the steering wheel was not locked and would move….the key did not move at all. Back to Larry’s car we go. Consulted with Larry over the phone. He said, “Don’t even worry about it…you have my car…just use it and when I get back I’ll look at it.” Still feeling relentless…I give it another go once the boys are in bed. Not productive. Look at some random suggestions online…one person wrote that sometimes you can use WD-40 and it allows it to get unstuck. Asked Larry where the WD-40 is….he repeats his earlier spill…but does give me the location of the WD-40. 

Thursday…use Larry’s car as instructed by him. I pickup Brendan from school and while he gets going on his homework…I think, “hmmm, I think I’ll try that WD-40.” Now, I don’t want to spew that stuff all over my car so I just spray a little on a Q-tip. I apply it around the ignition switch and a little on the key. Pointless. And then……..out of the blue….I think to myself, “It’s (the car) acting like this isn’t even the right key…but it fits…and I only have one Nissan key on my keychain so that doesn’t make sense.” I take out the key and BEHOLD: two Nissan keys! One to my car…and one to Larry’s. At some point, either Larry or I must have put one of his spare keys on my keychain. (note: I had been using the extra-limited access key to Larry’s car to drive it around all this time…not this key)  What a grand moment of realization.

Several, relentless times…I had mistakenly used the wrong key…I had even pulled out WD-40 and Q-tips to perform minor surgery to get the wrong key to work. (I had got the right key by accident…once.) I smiled. I went inside the house and shared with Brendan about my mistake that had virtually lasted four days. Four days in which I had thought the car was the one with the issue. Brendan thought it was funny. However, it gave me a great opportunity to, once again, say…we all make mistakes…sometimes we make them a few (sometimes several) times…but if we stick with it and get it figured out we’ve gained something. Mistakes help us learn to use the right key. Rest assured, I will now always double check to make sure I’m using the right key if the one I’m relentlessly using is wrong.

My new addiction…and a continual longing. January 7, 2009

As 2009 begins to dawn, I’m in great anticipation about what God can do. I pray that this year, passions will be (continue to be) ignited in the people of The Orchard…that provisions for those passions will be plentiful….that the impact will thunder through the nations. That the world will know God’s greatness…His faithfulness…His unfaltering love for His creation….knowing the magnificence He has created in each individual life. 

 I have to admit with the anticipation is some anxiety. I know that for my family, personally, to take part in the amazing things God is going to do through the Orchard…a big change will be required (aka. the move into the land of snow where people desire Snuggies). Change is not necessarily bad…but in the beginning it sure can be scary. I long for my family to be ‘at home’ at The Orchard…to have a family there as we have at Sherman Bible. It’s a huge need I have. I’m relying on God to put relationships in place that can fulfill that need.

Recently, I have gained another show addiction, ‘The Unit’. On an episode in S2, one of the main characters was giving her amazing-writer-developed-insight into a military permanent change of station. She discusses how when one moves to a different base you experience something “that will both surprise and delight you.” She said, “When you reach the new base you will find you are still at home’…and that even if  future moves to other bases occur you will always “curiously be at home.” Having no military experience myself, I don’t know if that is true or not. If it is, it is yet another thing I greatly admire about our military men and women. Oddly enough, it’s not always true with pastors/their families, Christians in general and church bases. Why not? Don’t we have something that should tie us together even stronger, more purposefully—something in our very being…in our souls—that connects us.

Paul in his letters to various churches demonstrated such connection. In his letter to the Philippians per the ‘The Message’ paraphrase he wrote: “Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamation of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart…..It’s not at all fanciful for me to think this way about you. My prayers and hopes have deep roots in reality. You have, after all, stuck with me…” Later in the letter he says: “When I was living among you, you lived in responsive obedience. Now that I’m separated from you, keep it up. Better yet, redouble your efforts. Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God’s energy, an energy deep within you…” 

Now, not every letter to every church  reflected such ‘an awesomeness’…after all, a family calls it like it is…the good and the bad and will reflect both back to you for sincere, yet loving, accountability. It’s what family and home are all about.

 

 

 

Boots November 29, 2008

I have been looking around Texas for boots. We have plenty of boots around here (it’s Texas)….but our family is in need of some snow/winter boots. I’m guessing cowboy boots, rain boots, and high heeled suede boots are not really handy during the Illinois snow season. Finally, today, on Black Friday….I found my teasure! Both boys, now, have appropriate footwear. Bring on the snow…..

and so we press on…..where we’re going. November 11, 2008

The Orchard is an amazing community in Aurora, IL reaching out. They are a people that desire to live missionally for God within their community and around the world (much like SBC). Larry has been friends with the lead pastor, Scott Hodge, there for sometime–which is how all this came about—as we were not looking to move. We don’t know the full intent of God’s plans for us there. However, we do know, in part, that nurturing an environment of coming together as a true family to empower/spur each other on to go out will be part of it.  It’s humbling to think that is the case. We most definitely see how God has prepared us…but also, at the very same time, feel so inadequate for what might be ahead. 

Yet, we press on.

I’m amazed at God’s preparation in our hearts. He has already given me (us) a heart for our new ‘people.’ I find myself being drawn to the community there….celebrating for them even though miles (even a few states) separate us. I feel blessed that God has chosen us to go on this mission with Him.

I’m touched by the story of The Orchard and what has been sewn into it’s very fabric. Much like my dad, Larry Hodge got it. It’s about people. It’s about an amazing God who cares about those people…and so we press on, traveling conscious of Him.

Where we’ve been… November 11, 2008

After my dad died in 1996 (he was 48/I was 21), I felt lost. He had been a pastor and I had always been with him at churches. In addition, he had been one of (as Beth Moore described it in the Daniel study) my ‘strong one’(s). As a preacher’s kid, although sometimes expectations are set high, you are automatically included…you’re ‘a part’…simply b/c of who your dad is. Feeling a part of a church family meant so much to me; however, after he died…my mom and I (and then Larry and I..once married) tried to find another church home..a church family to no avail for almost 9 years. After some pretty difficult times/situations (e.g., a miscarriage) in our life without that support…by the time we started going to Sherman Bible, I was completely desperate for and in need of that connection.

As soon as we entered SBC in the December of 2004, I felt it. It was a family.  We found a church home….a church family almost immediately upon entering. Those first families that had started SBC and those that came later…had sewn that feeling of belonging/of connection into the very fabric of this church. I can’t express the gratitude I have for all they have done…and how they allowed God to use them.  As SBC has grown, that is most definitely one thing that has not changed…new people continue to reap the blessing of what was previously sewn…and then those new people continue to sew those same values. The leadership (e.g., pastors, elders, deacons, ministry leaders, kids workers, etc)  there is amazing….one of the most spiritually developed—I’ve ever seen. 

It’s bitter/sweet to think of leaving our church family at SBC—especially in light of how much it has meant to our immediate family and on the brink of so many exciting, God-driven things happening. However, God is doing something. In Beth Moore’s Patriarch Study, she points out how when God calls He makes it personal….asking Abraham to leave his land, his people, his family so something more can be done. God has asked us to leave our people. I have to admit this is not something that is easy b/c I love ‘my people’ in Sherman, Texas (both the Aggies and the Longhorns even though I’m a Sooner)…I love getting blessed daily by such an amazing church body… but God has most definitely made it personal.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to go through a study (i.e., On Mission with God by Henry Blackaby) with Billie Henderson. In one of the more recent chapters we have covered over Peter, the study states how God typically does not bless us simply for the blessing to stay with us…but for the blessing to go beyond us. It is this very thought that inspires me to think that there just might be something more that God intends. See, Larry and I know, first hand, what it feels like to not have that church family…to not have the much needed support (i.e., those who will pray with/for you, endure with you, be your Timothy and Epaphroditus)…all of which we found with the members and leadership at SBC, and because of that we know the importance and the benefits of having those people to truly RUN.

Being on mission with Him is something completely and utterly exciting but terrifying at the same time….but yet we press on.

 

Traveling… November 7, 2008

“Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God.” –The Message paraphrase I Peter 1:18

How true. Without that consciousness, grief would be unbearable, joy never truly experienced; purpose would have no direction.

A few months ago my 7 year old son asked me what I wished for, my response was “I don’t know.” Traveling through life has a way of weighing you down—sometimes with needless weights—but other times with true burden. Wishing becomes a thing of the past—something only children can afford—how sad is that. However, when I truly contemplate on that question—I guess my answer would be “I wish that I could always travel with a deep consciousness of God.” I wish that for my husband, my sons, my loved ones and friends, my community, my world.